Overqualified: I had a problem

To: Human resources, Abrasion Enterprises
Re: Abrasion Enterprises Sales Representative

I am forwarding you my resume because I believe that I would be a valuable addition to the Abrasion Enterprises sales team. My outstanding sales record speaks for itself, and I am ready to turn my skills to your needs in the Abrasive industry. I am enthusiastic about Abrasion Enterprises.

As you will discover upon reading through my resume, I was first employed promoting the Cottonelle Brand in establishments across the continent. My responsibilities included all manners of persuasion, but in the end it all came down to two factors; The cottony softness of the product, and my skill as a salesman. I believe that both of these factors are equally important, and I cannot do my best if I am not representing a product that I truly believe in. I believed in the wonderful gentleness of Cottonelle's bathroom products.

After Cottonelle your eye will be drawn to the fact that I spent five years with Kraft, promoting their wondrously spongy and warm Kraft Dinner product line. My job with Kraft started off as sales, but over time drifted into marketing. In the end it mainly consisted of approaching the authors of children's books, and convincing them to include Kraft Dinner in their work, helping to promote the Kraft Brand, and its association with warmth and spongy security. I am proud of the work I did at Kraft, but it is in sales where I am happiest, where I am the most productive.

After Kraft I spent a number of years working with the Royal-Pedic mattress company of Los Angeles. It was around this time that I began to notice that whenever I would visit my brother and his family, things would be different. I was pleased that they were using Cottonelle in their bathroom, and that we would sit down to talk over a bowl of Kraft Dinner, but it worried me that they wrapped the corners of their furniture in blankets. It worried me that they would only give me a spoon to eat with (Though of course it is one of the selling points of Kraft Dinner that it doesn't require the child to use a fork). Above all, I was worried by the way the children looked at me; With pity in their eyes.

I began to suspect that I had a problem.


This, of course, explains the year long gap between my last day at Royal-Pedic, and the date of this application. At first I was wary of the dangers of therapy to my sense of self-worth, but by pro-actively selling myself on the long term benefits, I was able to enlist the aid of a therapist and begin my year long struggle with fear. I will admit it. I was afraid. I was so afraid that I had to surround myself with comfort; With softness in all its forms. But now things are different. Now I feel I am ready to face a world with sharp corners and all. I feel I am ready to come to work for Abrasion Enterprises.


Joey Comeau.