Overqualified: Doomed. You are doomed.


To: Human resources, Priszm Brandz
Re: Customer Service

I am enclosing my resume in the hopes that you will consider me for the position available at the Dartmouth Pizza Hut. I do not have any experience in fast food, but I do believe that circumstance is strongly in my favour.

I have long been a fan of the Priszm Brandz family of franchise outlets, and it would make me unhappy to see the company go bankrupt over something as silly and avoidable as not hiring me. But due to circumstances beyond my control, that may well happen.

A company in Denver refused to make me Vice President of their Acquisitions department, and in the next quarter their stock price fell drastically. I believed this to be nothing more than a satisfying coincidence, until one week later that same company's offices just fell over. Still a coincidence? Maybe.

I was wary of applying to another job, But then I heard of a computer programming position with an Oakland, CA firm that I had long respected. I applied in person, flying down to Oakland only to learn that the position had already been filled. Three weeks later that company was being investigated for massive stock fraud. Perhaps you've read about them in the news? Still, I tried to convince myself that it was only a coincidence.

But then I had an experience that refused to be ignored. I decided to apply for a job with Futureshop through their website. On their site there is a map of Canada with small red dots representing their office locations across the country. When I first visited the website, that map was almost solid red. There were dots everywhere.

After my interview, I waited three weeks for them to respond. They didn't. They didn't even have the decency to let me know why I was unsuitable. Monday of the third week of waiting, I brought up their website on my screen. It was then that I knew something was wrong. The page informed me that massive losses had forced Futureshop to close hundreds of their offices. There on the map, right on the front page, the remaining offices spelled something out in little red dots.

HIRE JOEY COMEAU OR YOU ARE DOOMED

I began to realize that while this was a curse in some ways, it was also a blessing. Who would be foolish enough to not hire me now?

Please let me know as soon as possible whether you're going to hire me, because I don't know how long you have before the curse assumes that you aren't, and dooms you.

Yours,

Joey Comeau.