Overqualified: My dead family and I are in your debt

To: Human resources, Neopost
Re: Credit and collections manager

I am responding to your job posting on monster.com for a Credit and Collections manager. I am currently in the market for a job in this field, and on one of my daily visits to your site I was thrilled to discover that Neopost was hiring. I have waited a long time for this opportunity, and I am including my resume for your review.

My resume details my fifteen years of extensive experience in Credit and Collections management. It feels like I have worked in Credit and Collections management all my life. If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to call me. This opportunity is once in a lifetime, and I assure you that I believe in what your company is doing one hundred percent. And, I have certainly been watching closely.

My first encounter with Neopost came two years ago, while I was on the Internet looking for alternatives to the traditional postal system, ( which had previously caused the death of my entire family. ) I found Neopost's web-site to be pleasantly designed and informative, and I immediately saved the address in my "Bookmarks". On a subsequent visit I began to realize the full implications of the existence of services such as yours.

Using equipment purchased on your web-site, I have begun to construct my own post office in the basement of my house. Your company has provided me with the finest in mail-room furniture and high volume sorting and folding machines. The newest addition is, of course, a 30kg digital scale, for weighing mail and determining the rate. It's interfaced with the mail machine, and I have named it Susan because that was my youngest daughter's name.

The chance to put my Credit and Collections management experience to work for your company is something I am willing to die for. My post office is almost finished, but I know that I will need to build one in every town before I can fully replace the Postal service. The employee discount that you will hopefully provide should make a helpful dent in the costs associated with that as well.

The depression and suicidal fantasies of three years ago are nothing but a memory to me now. I am a man consumed with passion, and your products have given a new meaning to my life. Without you I do not know where I would be, and I do not want to know. I am happy now, pursuing my goal. My dead family and I are in your debt, and I long to help you in any way I can. I feel I could make a real difference at your company.

Thank you for taking the time to consider my resume. I am willing to relocate to anywhere in Canada.


Joey Comeau.