To: Somebody, Spherion
Re: Corporate Collections Representative
I am writing to apply for a position as Corporate Collections Representative. They've been collecting from us for years. Maybe we should be calling them.
8 am: "Hi, is MasterCard there?"
"This is MasterCard, who is this?"
"Good morning. This is Joey calling from Consumer Collections Agen..."
And they would hang up on me.
I'm a motivated worker. I want to wake MasterCard up at three in the morning and make veiled little threats about their credit rating. With your company I could devise a campaign of terror for these businesses. Every day they'll find themselves interrupted in the middle of breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I'll make McDonalds get up from its veggie stir-fry and come to the phone.
And I won't take any shit.
"Don't you people have any respect? We're trying to eat. We will pay when we pay." and they'll hang up and I'll call right back.
"That's a pretty little dog you have out in the yard, Sony." I'll say. "I bet a dog like that is expensive to feed. If you're having trouble making your payments, maybe there's something we can do to help."
And when the woman on the other end of the phone tells me "MasterCard doesn't live here anymore. I think she died." I'll smile.
"She looked pretty healthy for a dead woman this morning," I'll say. "When she was climbing out of bed with VISA's husband. At least, I think she does. It's so hard to tell with photographs."
This is a field in which I can distinguish myself! I would be an asset to your company and I look forward to hearing from you about this position.