Overqualified: the time of my life

To: David Alpin Recruiting
Re: Editor Position

I am writing to apply for the position as Editor with your company, and I'm certain that upon closer examination you will find that my enclosed resume demonstrates my ability as an editor perhaps more accurately than it describes my experience in the field. I mean simply that any difference between the results of a background check and the employment history I have delineated should be taken as an example of my skills as an editor.

And my skills as an editor extend beyond my job history to encompass the whole of my past. A stint in juvenile hall as a boy adds a much needed bit of excitement to a childhood that I can barely remember. I don't mean to imply that I'm a revisionist. I was never a revisionist. I won awards. I dated the prettiest girls.

Like, once, in college. I met a pretty girl who was a lesbian. Everyone told me that it would just break my heart to fall in love with her, that I was wasting my time, that I was asking for trouble. Well, within a week she had fallen for me. And there was no trouble at all. Her love for me overwhelmed her and she forgot all about her distaste for the immediate facts of the matter (if you will). We're still happily married now. We have kids. Two, I guess. A boy and a girl. Handsome and pretty. It wasn't even hard.

My mom never got cancer, and the last time we spoke (yesterday) she said she loved me, and that she'd had a dream where she told me that I was the worst thing that could have happened to her, and then died before she could apologize. She said that when she woke up she felt really bad about that, and I said "It's okay, mom! The important thing is that we love and respect each other and that you're still alive!"

I will make a very good editor for your company, whether you hire me or not.

Joey Comeau