Overqualified: back in black!


To: Spherion
Re: Cash Applications Manager

You posted seeking a Cash Applications Manager. Good. You can't lump Cash under the umbrella term "money". Cash is a creature with its own needs, with its own inclinations and territories. Cash is a pervert, with desires that aren't easy to understand. You need someone with experience living outside the world of plastic. You need someone who can successfully guide your company under the radars of government taxation.

You're gonna get a lot of applications from people with business degrees. I should mention that I did not graduate high school. Three weeks before graduation I was all set to pick up and head to business school. We had a party, and after everyone left, I was in the shower drunk and fell. I fell from the tub sideways, gashed the left side of my face, and lay there in silence. I could feel the hot water on the bottoms of my feet, which jutted into the tub. When I got up to face the mirror, I thought "That's going to scar," and then I thought "good."

The cut ran down through my eye and gave me a dangerous look. Fuck this life tied to names and plastic money. I decided then and there, facing that mirror, to become a grifter, a shark, a con-man. I would live under the radar, off the grid, outside of the movie euphemism for the interconnected computer systems which track and manage everyone in terms of credit, worth, and funds. The man in the mirror was a rogue agent, now. He was a cowboy. I tried to squint like Clint Eastwood. It hurt.

I took my mother's purse and used her credit cards to get as much cash from a bank machine as I could. I left home, money strapped to my body in little hidden packets, and hopped a box car heading south. Nobody knows where I am or who I am. I can go into a delicatessen and buy a sandwich, eat in silence and leave without a trace. Did I buy a drink with that sandwich? You'll never know.

I have a few questions before we meet regarding this position. Firstly, I assume that you can pay in cash? If not, would it be alright if I had you make the checks payable to my mother? I can mail them to her, and she'll mail the cash back to me. It's inconvenient, but ultimately the cost is worth the freedom!

Yours,

Joey Comeau