Overqualified: NYPD: It's hard, but it's harder to ignore it.


To: NYPD
Re: Police Officer

Thank you for taking the time to review my application. As you will note from my resume, I do not live in New York City, and I should mention that I have only ever been there once, physically.

When I was there, I felt overwhelming deja-vu. When I stopped to visit the public library, I could see Ray and Peter and Egon come running down those steps. So, I guess when I say that I've never lived there, I'm lying. I've lived in New York City my whole life, in movies, on television. Yours is the city that invented and destroyed the definition of the police officer. No, of JUSTICE.

New York City police are who my political friends mean when they say "even a good person is still a bad cop." You, not the LAPD. Even if they don't realize it. Fuck the LAPD. They get the reputation because they've come up in a city obsessed with Hollywood. They're used to smiling for the cameras. You, the cops at NYPD aren't interested in being poster boys. You're interested in a more lasting sort of glory. You have a chance to really be heroes.

And you become a hero by standing up for something, for justice, for retribution. I grew up watching movies where justice came at the end of a stick, and not through government sponsored therapy for sex criminals. Those movies were you. Those movies were New York City. I have been working out. My father bought me these big thick law books, and I have been using them as weights ever since the attack.

Edward Gibbon wrote, in The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire, that "as long as mankind shall continue to bestow more liberal applause on their destroyers than on their benefactors, the thirst for military glory will ever be the vice of the most exalted characters." He may not have agreed, but he could see it was true. Nobody really believes that some tree hugging "criminals are people too" asshole will save us. Maybe they really will, of course. Maybe it's understanding and compassion that will bring our world together. Logically, it might even be more likely to work than our way. It doesn't matter. Our way is what people FEEL is right.

When I was swarmed by a group of fifteen year old girls, beaten and taunted sexually, I thought they would kill me. I felt helpless and alone. When they left me there, broken, on the side of the road, I didn't know what to do. The "police" in my hometown took my report and talked about how these girls needed to be found and counseled. When they caught them, I wrote down each and every name, and one year later I began to sneak into their homes at night to pistol whip them in their sleep.

In the world I grew up in, there would have been no investigation into that. There would have been no crime. The little girl would have come down to the police station and it would be me and her and Clint Eastwood in a room. She would say "I'm just a little girl and he attacked me in my sleep!" and Clint would have squinted his eyes at me and looked at her and said "You looks okay to me, maybe he didn't hit you hard enough?" In the world I want, there's no slap on the wrist. The closest you can get is pistol whipped. I think you understand.

Yours,

Joey Comeau