Overqualified: APPLE.COM: in 1984 I was still my momma's boy.


To: Apple
Re: Running Crew Coordinator

Resumes and cover letters, they aren't my thing. But if that's how you do it then that's how you do it. Here's my resume. The subcontracting situation that I'm proposing, well, it already exists. I just want to let you in on it. You and I are business partners already. You've been putting shoes on my kids' feet for six months now. That envelope with this letter? That's your cut. Ain't nobody can say I don't pay my bills.

When I was growing up, there were days when the milk ran out. I didn't know what it meant that I ate my Captain Crunch with cola some days, at the end of the month. I didn't know what it meant that we ate Kraft Dinner every day for lunch. Fuck, man. I loved that stuff. It wasn't until my sister and I got a bit older, and we didn't have a Nintendo, and we didn't have a Super Nintendo. We didn't have a Genesis. I didn't have Pumps on my feet.

I wasn't like my sister, though. I didn't blame my mom for that. I could see how hard she was working to get us what we needed, without a dad around. Not a lot of kids would have been able to see through their own shit, but how do you put that on a resume? I guess that's why you need a cover letter. Well, here's mine. I made friends, and when I didn't have Jordan's, I took someone else's.

Now I'm twenty four, and I make my money the way I make my money. A large part of that is you. A pair of good headphones could always catch you a few bucks, but some idiot out with a two hundred dollar set was as good as it got. Now it's all changed. Now you can't walk downtown without passing twenty or thirty people, all sporting the little white headphones, advertising that they're packing a five hundred dollar piece of equipment in those pockets. You got billboards all over the place, making that shit into fashion. It's better than a goddamn gold ring, and when they get rolled, the motherfuckers are out the next day buying a replacement so they can still fit in.

So, you and me, Apple, we're working together. It was fear of exclusion that brought us both right here. It forced me to go out and take what I needed off of anyone better off than me, and it's what fills the cash registers at every store that sells your iPods. One out of every ten iPods my crew pulls in, we give 'em to some kid coming up. Those little white headphones? They're part of our colors, for now.

Next month? Next month it'll probably be something new.

Joey Comeau