Overqualified: FOX: I cut the bit about sex.


To: FOX
Re: New World Order

Dear FOX,

Thank you for taking the time to review my resume. As you will see, I have a strong background in the development and production of several successful television programs, and the shows that I have been involved with have, without fail, gone on to win the highest awards in their markets.

I want to develop a show for your network that turns reality television on its head. Stay with me, here. We need a television show that is interactive in a way that no television show has ever been. I'm talking about a television show concerning the making of itself.

We follow two groups. One, a group of writers, filming their struggle as they try to come up with a story line that turns their struggle to come up with a story line into decent television. The ideas that they discuss are incorporated into the show. They struggle with doubt over the concept itself, and they clash with the producers.

Two, we follow the producers, their obsession over ratings, over press, over numbers. The numbers they obsess over will be the actual numbers for the show. So if the show does poorly, they become much more desperate. We watch as they try and come up with ideas to make the show more successful, try to capitalize on the success that it does achieve.

I think we should have some of the characters be gay, too. If we have a couple of the writers, and maybe a few producers be homosexuals, then we stand a good chance of influencing some of our younger and more impressionable viewers into choosing to be gay. What we'll do is we'll try to make the gay lifestyle look really exciting, just as a sort of aside, you know? And then that will trick those poor confused youngsters into becoming knob goblins.

Soon everyone under twenty five will be gay. By promoting homosexuality as "not immoral" in movies and books and on TV, we're going to bring about a new world order. It won't be so fucking impossible to find a date who reads. We have to be careful, though. Someone might catch on! What I do is this. Whenever my straight friends figure out our little TV brainwashing plot, I act really offended! I imply that they're homophobic and insensitive. That shuts them up. God love political correctness. Without political correctness, we'd never get away with anything!

Oh man, I have to tell you. When we get our new world order I will be so relieved. I will stop pretending to hate baseball. I will get rid of this ridiculous purse dog I've been carrying around. I'm gonna get that tattoo I've been thinking about, the one with the flaming skull and the worms and shit that says "Live free or die".

When the new world order comes, I won't have to keep my comments to myself. When the new world order comes I'm going to buy an XBOX 360 and a Playstation 3. I'm going to read all the Elmore Leonard I want. Fuck.

Make a note in the book. When we get our new world order, I want a big fucking tank.

Yours,

Joey Comeau