Overqualified: Random House: A Young Lady's Primer.

To: Random House
Re: A Lady's Primer.

Dear Random House,

I am writing because this morning I woke up with a phrase on my lips that I haven't been able to shake all day. That phrase is, "The girl's guide to being an asshole." Such a perfect title for a book.

One day soon, Random House, women are going to look around at the fat asshole men, at the sexist monsters in their workplace, at the sweaty throng of criminals and the quiet guile of thieves and assassins, and they're going to start wondering why they aren't having any of the fun. They're going to start asking "What has the culture of victimization ever done for anyone?" and "Why can't we be degenerates and monsters and still be feminists?"

This is a genuine cultural movement, Random House, and you and me, we can profit. Big time. We can put together a guide, a guide to picking locks, a guide to spitting and fighting dirty, a guide to date rape and coercion, a guide to vandalism and assault. It's idiotic to think that women are somehow incapable of these glorious pastimes. History has shown that on occasion they have revelled in these very acts. And, Random House, what woman has never felt debased to hear someone say "I honestly don't believe a woman could be capable of such a crime," whether about child abuse or violent murder or not? Women are capable of anything.

Ours will be a guide to living outside of an outdated feminist culture that defines itself by villainizing the other. Our guide will help women embrace all of their potential, both good and bad, polite and vulgar, heroic and gloriously untoward. This is the next true step toward the destruction of sex-based barriers, toward equality, toward a better future.

A better future where our paychecks are very large, Random House. Can you honestly tell me that doesn't sound good? I look forward to hearing from you regarding this.


Joey Comeau