Overqualified: MYSPACE: cats or lesbians.


To: MYSPACE
Re: cats or lesbians.

Dear MYSPACE,

I am including my resume for your review, and I will be your choice for user interface designer. Read on and you'll see why. My resume outlines my extensive and impressive experience in interface design, and I have attached several letters of reference from leaders in the field. But you are more than capable of determining my overwhelming qualification for this position from the documents themselves. I would like to take the opportunity that this cover letter affords to speak about my ideas for myspace.

Right now your demographic is divided pretty evenly between girls under the age of 16 who post photographs of themselves in the nude and perverts who like to look at those pictures. You're stuck in a rut, frankly. You have to move beyond pornography and into a market that really pays. Allow me to explain. I've conducted extensive demographic research. I've employed telephone surveys and person to person interviews across the nation. I know what will take Myspace to the next level.

Kittens (or lesbians, the data was unclear).

We encourage users to set up Myspace accounts for their kittens (or lesbians). Photos and birthdays and little "about me" bios: "I like Catnip and clawing up the couch (or pussy). I'm looking friends and activity partners, but also for that special girl kitty (or other lesbians) who wants to understand me (this part's okay). I am fixed, but a mewler (this part is also fine). Short or long hair is fine, just so long as you aren't one of those freaky hairless asians (Also fine)."

There are literally hundreds of millions of cat or lesbian enthusiasts out there, and they are just waiting for a market. Every last one of them. All we have to do is put pictures of kittens (or lesbians) on every page and Myspace will be an overnight success. People will buy all of the merchandise, they'll pay through the nose for services which used to be free, and they'll be glad to do so, just so they can show people the Myspace profile they set up for their kitten (or lesbian).

I look forward to hearing from you about this position.

Joey Comeau