To: Human resources, Your Company
Re: Life Insurance Verification
I am writing in response to the Life Insurance Verification job posting on monster.ca. I believe that I am well suited to this job, and I feel that you would agree. Please take a moment to read what I have to say.
I have, for a number of years now, been living next door to a man named Justin Sullivan. Last summer I went over and introduced myself to him, and we became fast friends.
JOB SKILL: I HAVE AN EXCELLENT CUSTOMER SERVICE MANNER.
I think it goes without saying, that I was only acting. I had no honest interest in becoming his friend. My interests were in Life Insurance Information Verification. (and so they remain). I could tell from Sullivan's not-quite-decent attitude that he was clearly involved in fraud of some kind. It became my goal to discover more.
JOB SKILL: I SHOW INITIATIVE.
As Justin sat drinking beer on his couch, I rummaged through his medicine cabinets. Row upon row of pill bottles. Levison, read one. Modulon, read another. But inside those bottles I found only percocets, oxycocets. Pain killers.
JOB SKILL: I AM FAMILIAR WITH PAIN KILLERS.
"You better not get any on the walls," he laughed drunkenly, believing my ruse about bowel problems. Yet my heart raced as the doorknob jiggled. The lock held, I laughed heartily, and he went away. But from then on I was more careful.
JOB SKILL: I AM CAREFUL.
Yet time wore on, and I could find out nothing more. I had occasion to check every room in his house. Every room except the bedroom, that is. But Justin is a very private man. How could I expect him to let me into his room? After much soul searching, and asking myself wether I am really committed to Life Insurance Information Validation, I came to realize how I would proceed. I began sleeping with him.
JOB SKILL: I AM DEDICATED TO MY WORK.
Sleeping with Mr Sullivan was not altogether unpleasant. Ultimately, though, it left me wanting. It did, however, lead me to the discovery that I had long searched for. His filing cabinet. As he snored loudly on the bed, I plied through his files to discover his Life Insurance records. It was as I suspected, Justin Sullivan had claimed to have no health problems, and no addictions. I knew what I had to do.
JOB SKILL: I KNOW WHAT I HAVE TO DO. I KNOW WHEN I HAVE TO DO IT.
I feel that I am ready to move up in the world of Life Insurance Validation, and I am choosing your company as my vehicle. I am not sure what your company's name is, but I am sure it is very nice. You may contact me by email or the telephone.